Gensokyo Diaries XII: Yuuka
by Amoridere
Summary: Yuuka's Diary as she muses and as requested.
1. Hiding

_Sunflower Diary, Page I: Hiding_

_I never really did think I would be forced into hiding but I am not given a choice. They are closing in and I fear the unknown and yet to come. It is is better this way, uprooting my life right where it was and fleeing, than dying a horrid death. On that note, I do worry for my babies, my beloved sunflowers, and how they will fare without me. I do hope no one destroys them and my home. I'll have to deal with that. On the note of hiding, Reimu seems to have changed and Chen has gone blind. According to Ducks, Chen was blinded out of mercy by a stranger who didn't wish to hand her over to a horrible fate and Reimu was initially placed under a hibernation spell that was stronger than much anticipated, turning Reimu into a tot. They seemed to be coping well with our situation, though Chen desires to go home but little Reimu thinks of our current situation as being normal, rendering her more versatile in dealing with it. I can only hope the two will be alright should harsh times come again._

_-風見 幽香_


	2. The Aftermath of Our Escape

_Sunflower Diary, Page II: The Aftermath of Our Escape_

_After fleeing that cursed place, we had lived yet again in hiding. I look back on what is fairly recent times and they leave a permanent bloodstain and horrid memories of what did happen. We are free, that is all there really is to it but, in the end, our future is uncertain. We've burned that place to the ground, killing all those along with it, but, even though that place is no more rubble, what remains are the bloodstains, the pain, and the memories of all affected. To say we are truly free would be rather incorrect. What sort of freedom has it where we are forced to hide in an abandoned bunker, where we huddle together for warmth? It isn't much of any freedom, really. We've escaped from imprisonment but, in the end, memories of the nightmare still remained, so we were never truly free. Safe, yes, we are, for now, be as noted. _

_In living in this horrid damp place, I think of that nightmare and the destruction its left in its aftermath. Many of us youkai from Gensokyo are dead and, frankly, it is better than living in hell. Without steady foundations, our lives will yet again crumble and our foundations has been long cracked and worn away. For some of us, recovery and reassurance will come rather easy but what of the others? I know Yukari, Ducks, and Reimu won't be recovering so easily from this. The scars on those two will have yet to heal. My heart weeps. _

_As I write, printing these words on near ragged paper, I wonder exactly if we'll truly have a home and will ever be free. We haven't really anywhere to run without facing capture. I also takes the time out to note that Yukari has seems to be bitter. Not towards us, of course not, but to what had happened to us. Frankly, I have to say that the rest of us are really no different. After enduring all that has happened I may as well be embittered towards it all, as well, even more so with the scars. She is right, of course, after all, the only sort of kindness the warden truly did give is to allow Reimu live and releasing her back into Ran's care but, in the end, as she's stated, she can never really call it "kindness", as he's done so with conditions. She did state that he's allowed her "beautiful babies" to live, so that would be kindness, but it will have been much better if he had set them free, to set us all free. I suppose it would be mercy for her die and just be at peace, once and for all._

_On Ducksie's note, I know healing won't entirely be possible, seeing as she's lost all her babies and we haven't a clue what's become of Chen. I can only hope nothing horrible has befallen her, seeing that she was blinded by a "merciful" stranger. Either way, Ducks feels utterly alone and I couldn't sympathise with her more._

_On the note of little Reimu, I know she will not be recovering too well from this, seeing as her mind has been altered. Right now, she is asleep, undisturbed by what has happened. If that fat bastard truly has had her mind altered, then insanity will arise from it. I can only hope she will not succumb to madness, even as the world does. _

_-風見 幽香_


	3. Hiding is Over and Life Goes On

_Sunflower Diary, Page III: Hiding is Over and Life Goes On_

_We had waited, feeling as if we grow old, for what surely will come. The storm has come and it was washing away the filth, hopefully bringing a gateway to mercy. We were found and brought away from our bunker. Frankly,at first, I was expecting imprisonment and possibly execution but I found I was wrong. The storm really did wash away the filth and we were given mercy. They had exiled us to youkai exclusive village, where life will go on and the scars will eventually heal, for all of us._

_Yukari was sent to an asylum so she could readjust back into society. I suppose that is good for her, as her scars are rather deep and it is nice to know that where she is staying for time being people are rather kind. Reimu and Ducks seems to be thriving well, Ducks even finding a mate._

_Out of all of the turmoil, I found myself overjoyed that, from the wreckage of it all, came , Rumia, and Chen are alright, as is Yuyuko. Of course, those memories remain and will forever more remain. The scars for some of us have healed and faded but some wounds will remain open._

_-風見 幽香_


	4. War

_Sunflower Diary, Page IV: War_

_It has been some time after we had begun our lives anew but now I hear that these two strange lands have declared war. It is strange, really, and I do feel rather frightened at the thought but, at the same, curious. Human being make me rather curious in that they declare war and, in my opinion, kill wantonly, rather. I cannot fathom why these two fantasy lands are fighting. If there really is a war, going on I shall make preparations, then, and resign myself to the worse._

_-風見 幽香_


	5. In the Aftermath of Nuclear Strikes

_Sunflower Diary, Page V: In the Aftermath of the Nuclear Strikes _

_It hasn't been that long ago since the nuclear strikes, actually, and life is, will be, and has been, to say the least, rather difficult. We are scarce on food and water and some of us has taken ill , compacted with the fact that winter has come I must also note that we are also mourning our dead and more salt rubbed into our wounds, the scars of our previous turmoil seems to have reopened. I say nothing else on that._

_On a rather heartbreaking note, I must write, Yukari, in her madness, has left without telling. Learning of her disappearance, I must note I question her motives but I think she has probably left to die so she won't be one more mouth to feed or someone in need of resources, giving one final sacrifice. I doubt that, knowing that isn't like her but, of course, but my broken heart tells me it's so. I feel horrible for Ducks and the others, wondering how they'll go on without her._

_On another sorrowful note, Sakuya has taken ill with radiation sickness and she grows sicker with each passing day. In her circumstances, I think death would be a blessed release from this war-torn nuclear wasteland of a world, doubly so since she has lost her very sense of purpose and will to live, becoming no more than that of an empty shell. She isn't alone but she has lost those dear to her and, now, she the Perfect Elegant Maid is dying. She'll be off to a better place._

_-風見 幽香_


	6. Hope

_Sunflower Diary, Page VI: Hope_

_I was wrong in my assumptions that Yukari had left to die, as she did return, with more resources and with two little girls. It was wonderful to see she hasn't left to do the unthinkable and life seemed to be getting better. Slowly, we went to rebuild, settling on making our current situation work to our advantage. We musn't make the same mistakes and we must conserve and divide up our rations equally. Yes, we shall rebuild and readjust._

_-風見 幽香_


	7. Sakuya's Passed Away

_Sunflower Diary, Page VII: Sakuya's Passed Away_

_Sakuya's illness has taken a turn for its worse and she hadn't much long to live. I must write I told her everything she will have wanted to hear, as I couldn't allow myself to crush her dreams again. She seemed to be at peace, for once, during this chaotic time and her illness and it was almost as if she had gone to sleep. As she was dying, I must write, I cannot help but to wonder if she knew she was dying and was hiding it or was in denial about it. Either way, she went in peace. _

_Peace. Hmm, that is a funny word, seeing as our lives were barely peaceful and the only sort of peace I've seen was in death, like Sakuya's. I suppose if we are to suffer then we shall die in peace and go to a better place, where there will always be peace. _

_On that note, I do hope Sakuya says hello to the others of SDM for me._

_-風見 幽香_


	8. More Madness

_Sunflower Diary, Page VIII: More Madness_

_I was hoping that when we moved to a new home that we would be free from madness but I found I was wrong. Madness has found us yet again and it seems there is no escape. Something dreadful has happened to Ducks and she hasn't been herself, becoming a raging kitsune bitch and, even worse, Chen has attempted suicide. However, her suicide attempt did much to bring her back to us but in such a horrible way,doubly so since Chen, it seems, has written no note and hasn't told anyone, leaving her reasons obscure besides she has given up on life. It was a horrible ordeal and a further reminder of what we could not protect. As I worry about Ducks and Chen, I cannot help but to worry about Reimu who the saw Chen's suicide and being far too young to comprehend what had happened. I am horrified to think of what could have been going through her head, as she's watched someone close to her go limp under the water. I know not her thoughts but I could only imagine she was trying to piece together._

_She won't be recovering too well from what had happened and there isn't much that can be done._

_-風見 幽香_


	9. In the Aftermath of Madness

_Sunflower Diary, Page IX: In the Aftermath of Madness_

_Slowly, we have been trying to pick up the pieces from the madness we had become victims of. Life has started to come together for some of us but, for others it will take a while. Chen's suicide attempt was some time ago and the poor dear has made some recovery, as did Ducks, however, the attempt has left her unable to speak, leaving her communication mostly to sounds, gestures, and writing. On the note of Reimu, the poor dear's mind is left in utter ruin and she seems to be developing lunacy. Poor thing, I don't expect for her mind to return to right and I do hope nothing horrid happens to her. On Yukari's note, she's become more coherent, the mist that is her mind clearing, regaining what had been lost to her_

_On an unmentioned note, I do wonder where Cirno and Kaguya dear have gone. We haven't seen either of them in a long time and I cannot help but to wonder where it is they have gone and when will they return. With all this madness and the aftermath thereof, maybe they will return._

_All in all, we still pick up the pieces in wake and aftermath of destruction of madness._

_-風見 幽香_


	10. Winter's End

_Sunflower Diary, Page X: Winter's End_

_Something in me seemed to know if winter is nearing its end. The snows have started to subside and, as must note, it has been sometime since the winter has started and the war that brought it as its aftermath. Time seems to have stopped and, yet, life goes on. It's hard to say how long ago the war was but the winter was starting end and so are our troubles. There shall come a new beginning and we shall rebuild our lives. We will not allow ourselves to make the same mistakes and drive ourselves into further madness._

_-風見 幽香_


	11. My Little Flat

_Sunflower Diary, Page XI: My Little Flat_

_I have been living rather comfortably, ever since Yukari traded her earrings for this building, becoming its landlady. My flat is rather small, consisting entirely of one room with lavatory and kitchenette. It's alright, really, as it is comfortable and I have furnished it nicely. I'm satisfied, yes. Our lives are going smoothly._

_-風見 幽香_


	12. Musings

Sunflower Diary, Page XII: Musings

_In light of passing time,I thought it'd be best to muse on said passing times and the things have happened. I must note that Sattie has passed away a little while ago and I must note that she has died Reimu, the poor dear, has had a hard time getting over her death and probably won't but has long learned to stop attempting to "wake" her._

_On another note, Reimu has come home but has been ill off and on. I do worry about her, seeing she is not all the picture of perfect health, be that within the mind or within body. She hasn't come down with anything terminal,thank goodness,though she does have to have her medicines given to her through intravenous drip. However, I do fear that she may have very much long to live with her lunacy and declined health. At the same time, she may survive and continue her life. Nevertheless, she is at fate's mercy and may as well have one foot in the grave._

_If the aforementioned passage isn't worrying for me enough, then the fact that Chen's hair is falling out is, as well as the fact that she is depressed. Hopefully, the poor dear will pull out of it._

_-風見 幽香_


	13. Poem

The wind blows,the sun sets  
Yet, I remain, watching it all pass  
me by

Life has changed so much  
It seems only yesterday that I  
Could keep up

Now I slow, as does my time  
Watching it all pass me by

I grow old, still waiting

The seasons came and went  
And some of us are no longer here  
What remmains of either are our memories

She fell ill and was widowed some time afterwards  
One of the little ones remembered too late  
Sorrowful really

He is still missed and forever will be

She passed away some time before  
She gave us all a lesson and did her final dance  
Before her time was up

She still sits  
Waiting for her time to run out  
While her hair grows longer and longer

She forgave and loved  
Forever and always  
Even as she prepares herself for the worst

New babies came  
They are doing well  
They've grown

That is all good

She's pursued a breif romance  
Before her love passed  
They've made each other happy

It was a bittersweet romance, rather

She's still works  
Even as her hands grow tired  
And as they ache

She's sacrificed so much  
Yet, she asked for so little  
Still playing the martyr to this very day

And probably before she dies

Life continues on  
And there is still so much  
to tell

Although, right now,  
As the day draws to a close  
The sun sets

And my hand falters...


End file.
